I haven’t been writing much lately, for the blog at least, because I’ve been depressed. And I don’t think that people want to read depressive tendencies all the time. So I have been trying to think about positive things to blog about. Which is why I put up the last post about lessons from Anne Lamott because she’s so damn positive. I mean, she’s not positive all the time. She talks about the shitty stuff of life, but only to come out on the positive side of the shit. I don’t know how she does it.
But then I read Penelope’s blog today (do you like how I talk about her as if I know her?), and she was saying how people don’t want to read someone writing about having life figured out. And she must be right because that’s why I read her blog. She doesn’t have life figure out and she writes about the shitty stuff of life and makes me feel like at least I’m not the only one with depressive tendencies.
And, know what? That is exactly why I want to write. To be honest about life and how hard it is sometimes. Because, frankly, I think people are too fake too often. We walk around asking each other how we are doing and we say “fine” or “I’m good” with a smile and a nod.
But if you think about it, what am I supposed to do when some one says, “how are you doing?” and I am NOT fine? Am I really supposed to say, “well actually I have been crying every day because I feel helpless and worthless because there’s a good chance that I won’t get paid this month and I can’t seem to get steady business or any business for that matter and I can’t get this project to come together and I can’t seem to do a damn thing right and I can’t figure out what the hell is wrong with me”?
No. We are civilized and when someone asks how we are doing, we say “I’m good, thanks. How are you?”